Welcome to Dear Dr J Issue 17 long distance


Dear Dr. J. 


My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for almost two years. The sex, communication and quality time are wonderful. We’re quite a distance from each other, but we make it work. When we are out, I want to explore new things with her. How do I try to get her in the mood to try some new things with me? Of course, nothing that’s going to get us arrested.


Signed, Adventurous Andy


Long distance relationships can have many challenges, but can be full of excitement and adventures if approached with the right mindset. The idea of a spontaneous meetup can excite you, but it can also leave you feeling a little empty when it becomes difficult to achieve. The good news is, since you all already have good communication, you all may find it easier to think outside of the box. Creating opportunities to share new experiences can be a great way to be intimate with one another.


Changing the location of your normal routine and activities can spice up your time together, and give you other things to talk about when you are not able to be together. You all can take turns planning new activities, or sharing some wish list or bucket list things you each want to do. Sharing these thoughts and ideas with each other will also give you all insight into the type of activities that you both enjoy, and those things that will be completely new to you. 


When it comes to getting into the mood, it goes back to communication. Foreplay doesn’t begin right before a sexual encounter. It is everything you do in between sexual encounters. From flirty text messages, to sending each other romantic songs or music videos, you want to convey your feelings to build up anticipation of your next encounter. Reminiscing about how you felt during a previous interaction, or what you miss about her are also ways to share your desires for future encounters. 


Remember however, that unsolicited erotic pictures, or graphic language can do more harm than good, if not welcomed. Consent matters in these instances too, and you want to turn up the heat, not throw water on the fire. Have a conversation about how far to go with language and imagery. Tryout some phrases with each other and gauge each other’s response. If the content is too much, scale it back to a place you are both comfortable. This should be fun and enjoyable, not make either of you feel offended.


Finally, check-in with each other when you are together. Take time to enjoy all of the moments. Something simple as a walk in a special park can turn out to be a big turn-on if the mood is right.  Spending time together whether at a big event, or a small intimate can be exciting and fulling. The goal is to keep it fresh, keep it safe and keep it legal. The thrill of something new should never be outweighed by a costly unforeseen risk.


Peace, love and orgasms,

Dr. J.


Do you have a sexual health related question you want answered? You know what to do.  #goaheadandaskme. Send your questions and comments to, or use the contact me form at


Column Disclaimer for Readers

The information contained in this column is for educational and informational purposes only. ​The information contained in this column is not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, medical or health advice. While the professional does address sexual health issues, the information provided in this column is not a substitute for medical or health advice from a professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. The views and opinions expressed in Dear Dr. J. are of the author, and not necessarily those of Elite News.

Dear Dr. J.  is powered by Abounding Prosperity, Inc.