Dear Dr. J.
My boyfriend enjoys watching pornography and I sometimes watch with him. Lately he has been making comments that he wishes I was more adventurous in the bedroom like some of his favorite performers. What can I do to embrace my inner porn star?
Signed, Pressured to perform
One thing we need to remember when watching mainstream pornography is that we are watching a scripted performance. Most pornography is not a realistic depiction of how sexual interactions take place. Disappointing right? Well, the good news is that we can take a few important lessons from pornography performers that can help us become more comfortable in our own sexual encounters. Before the camera ever starts rolling there is planning, preparation and open discussion taking place between the actors and actresses.
To embrace your inner porn star, you want to consider how you are approaching the sexual interaction. Regardless of if your partner is new or old, there are some areas that should be taken into consideration. Communication regarding key elements can help create a more open and adventurous experience.
First off, let’s talk about consent and boundaries. Is this a sexual encounter that you are willing to engage in, or does the thought of it make you uncomfortable. This is when you really need to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner(s). Take time to express your desires, fears and any concerns you may have. If you want to try something new, or have hard/soft limits be open to discussing and elaborating on them. Pornography performers discuss and negotiate the activities that they are willing to perform prior to a scene being filmed. What does this mean? Tell your partner(s) what you enjoy, as well as those things that turn you off. Find out what turns them on and off as well.
Next up is protection and STI status. Are you all practicing safer sex by using condoms, birth control, or pharmaceutical interventions? Have you all discussed STI testing and taking the proper measures to keep all involved safe. There are many options available, from traditional “male” condoms, to diaphragms and PrEP. You want to select the most appropriate mechanism to decrease the risks of STI/HIV transmission and unplanned pregnancy. Having a conversation in advance can help to avoid the confusion of being unprepared when the time is right for a more intimate moment.
Finally, we need to touch on after-care. What does your post-sex routine look like? Are you a cuddler, do you want alone time in a nice warm shower? Whatever your flavor, communicate it to your partner(s) so that they are aware of your needs and expectations. You don’t want to have an awkward ending to what we are hoping was a pleasurable experience. After-care is something that we often overlook, but it can set the tone for the next time, whether with this partner or another. There can be a flood of emotions after sex. You want to be able to acknowledge them with your partner(s) by creating a safe space to share how each of you is feeling.
The hope is, the more you communicate with your partner(s), the more comfortable you will be exploring your sexual self. So have fun and let your freak flag fly as high or as low as you and your partner(s) are comfortable with and agree to.
Peace, love and orgasms,
Dr. J.
Do you have a question you want answered? You know what to do. #goaheadandaskme. Send your questions and comments to info@drjsperkins.com, or use the contact me form at https://drjsperkins.com/.
Column Disclaimer for Readers
The information contained in this column is for educational and informational purposes only. The information contained in this column is not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, medical or health advice. While the professional does address sexual health issues, the information provided in this column is not a substitute for medical or health advice from a professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. The views and opinions expressed in Dear Dr. J. are of the author, and not necessarily those of Elite News.
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