Welcome to Dear Dr J Issue 12 exhibitionist


Dear Dr. J. 


My partner gets very turned on by the thought of someone catching us having sex, and frequently wants us to have sex in public places. What does this mean, is regular sex not enough them? Should I do it?


Signed, Peek-a-boo, I see you


I think it is safe to say that regular sex is very subjective. The idea that we all have sex in the same manner and in the same locations couldn’t be further from the truth. Lights on or lights off, partially clothed or completely naked, inside or outside and every combination in between, most individuals consider their sexual routine regular. What is considered normal or regular for one sexual encounter, is not necessarily the same for another. You and your partner have to decide what is acceptable within the confines of your relationship.


Have you asked your partner what it is about public sex that is appealing to them? Is it the risk factor, the outdoor element or something different? Is this something that interests you, or do feel persuaded and its outside of your comfort level? All of these things matter, and will help you make the right decision for you. However you decide to express yourself sexually, it should be fully your decision. Sexual interactions and intimacy should be pleasurable and fun for all parties involved. So, find out what your partner is thinking, and share your thoughts on the proposed experience. 


The thrill and excitement of being discovered in a compromising position for some people is very appealing. For others, just the thought of being seen by strangers instills fear and even embarrassment. Your partner seems to fall into the category of viewing it as a thrill, and welcomes the experience and the rush of excitement. Let me caution both of you, while this behavior is viewed as taboo and enticing by many, it can also be risky and depending on your location very illegal. I say this to say, if you decide to engage in this activity do it safely. Consider your surroundings and assess the risk of discovery closely. Also keep in mind contraception and cleanup once the deed has been done.


If you decide against participating, you can always identify some other ways to spice up your sexual experiences. Different rooms within your house, or even a private outdoor area such as a backyard or balcony can bring the element of excitement into the experience. You and your partner can create the environment that delivers the experience that you want. There are more subtle things that you can do to be a bit more risqué and adventurous. 


If you both have a desire to mix things up, talk to each other about where you would feel the safest and most comfortable. That could be having a mini staycation at a local hotel, or taking it outdoors at a camp ground, or private beach The idea is to have fun while keeping the excitement, but taking away the pressure and potential fear associated with being in a public, non-private space. 


Remember, consented sex is always the sexiest sex.


Peace, love and orgasms,

Dr. J.


Do you have a sexual health related question you want answered? You know what to do.  #goaheadandaskme. Send your questions and comments to, or use the contact me form at


Column Disclaimer for Readers

The information contained in this column is for educational and informational purposes only. ​The information contained in this column is not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, medical or health advice. While the professional does address sexual health issues, the information provided in this column is not a substitute for medical or health advice from a professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. The views and opinions expressed in Dear Dr. J. are of the author, and not necessarily those of Elite News.

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