Welcome to Dear Dr J Issue 16 libido


Dear Dr. J. 


I am a heterosexual woman approaching 50. I am currently single and dating, but have had meaningful relationships in the past. While I am very successful in my career, and find my life fulfilling, I find myself not interested in a physically intimate relationship at this time. Is this abnormal for a woman of my age, should I seek out medical intervention? 


Signed, Single and Satisfied?


The short answer is, this is a completely normal experience. Decreased libido, or more commonly referred to as low sex drive, can happen to all of us at any age and stage of our lives. We can go from having a robust interest in being physically intimate to none at all gradually, or for some, what seems like overnight. It can vary greatly from person to another, and even within our own individual lifespan. Libido can be impacted by many factors, resulting in a reduced desire to engage in sexual activities.


Whether it is stress, anxiety, medication or just not feeling like it, our sex drive can fluctuate at any point. The fluctuations are normal, and are only a problem if you aren’t having the sex you desire, or if you feel misplaced or out of control because of them. Basically, if you have low desire, and you are okay with it, then it isn’t really a problem. If you have low desire, and it is impacting how you feel about yourself or its negatively impacting a romantic relationship then it is a problem. 


As a single woman, you may be in a season of not wanting a physically intimate relationship and that is fine. Should the opportunity present itself and you change your mind, that’s fine too. When it comes to sexual interactions, it’s up to you to decide how and when to experience them. If you feel out of sorts, this is when you should seek medical advice or intervention. 


If pain or discomfort are discouraging you from wanting to be sexual in a physical manner, reach out to a medical provider to assess the reasons and create a treatment plan. Things such as medication, certain health issues, and hormones can impact our sex drive. Speak to a qualified physician if you think this may be contributing to the decrease in your libido.


If you feel that there are mental roadblocks hindering you from seeking out sexual pleasure, you may consider scheduling time to meet with a mental health provider. Mental Health issues such as poor body image, previous experiences, and depression among other things can impact our sexual desire. In the midst of a global pandemic, we have seen many faced with decreased desire due to the stress around us. From lockdowns, to physical distancing, it has been a challenge to say the least for us to maintain a sense of normalcy in our relationships.


So, what does this all mean? You are normal, until you feel that you want something different. When this happens, seek the appropriate provider than can assess and assist you with your specific concerns. At the end of the day it is your sexuality, and you get to call the shots on how to approach it.


Peace, love and orgasms,

Dr. J.


Do you have a sexual health related question you want answered? You know what to do.  #goaheadandaskme. Send your questions and comments to, or use the contact me form at


Column Disclaimer for Readers

The information contained in this column is for educational and informational purposes only. ​The information contained in this column is not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, medical or health advice. While the professional does address sexual health issues, the information provided in this column is not a substitute for medical or health advice from a professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. The views and opinions expressed in Dear Dr. J. are of the author, and not necessarily those of Elite News.

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