Dear Dr J Issue 19 Anniversary


Happy 1 Year Anniversary Pen Pals!!


Over the last year, there have been so many stories in the news related to sexual health. We have seen an increased interest in transgender rights and affirming care, changes in some state approved comprehensive sexual health education guidelines and even the overturning of the 1973 landmark ruling of Roe v Wade. With all of these changes, and political discussions taking place, it can be difficult to make since of it all. 


As a certified sexual health educator, I believe we have the right to explore our personal sexuality in an informed, compassionate and shame free space. Dear Dr. J. is a safe place to ask questions related to sexual health, healthy relationships, and intimacy. Whether you want your question to be featured here, or to receive a private response, use me as a resource for all of your questions. I can’t wait to hear from you!


Let’s take a trip down memory lane, with some highlights from the last year. 


The more you communicate with your partner(s), the more comfortable you will be exploring your sexual self. So have fun and let your freak flag fly as high or as low as you and your partner(s) are comfortable with and agree to.


Introducing toys in the bedroom can be intimidating and uncomfortable, especially when you aren’t sure where to start. It can also evoke questions as to why they are needed and be seen as “competition” as opposed to a pleasure aid.


As we normalize having conversations related to sexual health with adolescents and emerging adults, it can help us to become more comfortable communicating sensitive subjects. This should include proper terminology for body parts, body functions and of course be age appropriate and medically accurate.


Partners need to manage expectations and clearly discuss their needs and limitations at the time they are engaging in any sexual act. If there are positions that are more pleasurable, share that with your partner. If there are turn-ons and turn-offs, share those as well. The bottom line is sex ends when she, he or they say that it is over. There is no magic timeline associated with it being completed. Communicate your needs and enjoy the experience.


Know that sexuality is an integral part of who we are, and that we are all different. Your sexual pleasure, is your business, and you get to determine what that looks like. So, drink water, stay hydrated and remember your pleasure matters.


Any unwanted touching or sexual advances create an unsafe and traumatic environment. Sexual interactions should be a collaborative experience for all involved, not just the dominant, older or bigger person. Consent should be respected and not judged. If your partner didn’t agree to it, you had no right to do it to them. This is especially true when the partner perceives that they have no control over the situation or feel disempowered.


The only way your partner will know what you want, is for you to ask for it.  Your pleasure is just as important as theirs, both in and out of the bedroom. Finally, remember that these are your wants and desires, and sharing is caring.


Finally, remember that all bodies make noises, move awkwardly, and each one is different. Enjoy the connection, the closeness and the newness of the experience. Above of all be safe, be aware of how you’re feeling, and communicate throughout.


Peace, love and orgasms,

Dr. J.


Do you have a sexual health related question you want answered? You know what to do.  #goaheadandaskme. Send your questions and comments to, or use the contact me form at


Column Disclaimer for Readers

The information contained in this column is for educational and informational purposes only. ​The information contained in this column is not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, medical or health advice. While the professional does address sexual health issues, the information provided in this column is not a substitute for medical or health advice from a professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. The views and opinions expressed in Dear Dr. J. are of the author, and not necessarily those of Elite News.

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