Dear Dr. J. – Bring My Sex Back



Dear Dr. J.

I recently celebrated a milestone birthday. As my years increase, my body is looking and feeling differently than it has in the past. My partner still appears to be attracted to me, but I can’t seem to connect like I used to. What do you do when you no longer feel sexy in your changing body? What can I do to embrace my new normal and regain the sexual confidence I once had.




                                                                                                Wanting to bring my sexy back


As a woman of a particular age, I can completely relate to this question. As we age, our sexual desires and abilities, along with our bodies can change. We don’t move like we used to, we don’t look like we used to, and often times we don’t feel like we used to. For some this creates new challenges, while others may view this time as an opportunity to reinvent themselves and embrace a new sexual self. Either way, change can be scary and bring with it uncertainty.

The main thing to understand is that this is normal. All bodies go through changes, and while the changes may present themselves in different ways for different people, change itself is inevitable. These changes can be influenced by diet, medications, health status and activity level, among other things. As you notice and identify changes, a good first step is to speak with your physician to rule out any major health issues that you may be unaware of. You want to have a clear understanding of any issues so that they may be addressed and not hinder your new sexy.

Now that we have any medical concerns handled, it is time for us to practice a bit of self-love. Don’t laugh, I’m serious. What are the things that you love about yourself. What makes you feel desired, wanted and gets you in the mood? Do you enjoy being touched a certain way? Or perhaps, you feel your sexiest when you are wearing a certain article of clothing. Sometimes we just need to get back to the basics, and reconnect with ourselves.

Doing the little things that make you feel like a sexier version of yourself can lead up to a desire for the bigger things. This can lead you to identify new and exciting areas that you would like to explore as part of embracing your new normal. In turn, it can evoke memories of old favorites that we want to begin incorporating into our routine again. Explore your “new” body, get to know its likes, dislikes and abilities. Speak positive affirmations to yourself, and feed yourself good words and good food. In the end, it all counts and will contribute to more favorable outcomes.

Finally, communicate the changes you are experiencing with your partner. Invite them to be part of the process.  If you have noticed changes, they may have noticed too and want to be supportive to you. How you handle your changes, may also help them as they too will experience changes, if they haven’t already. As we age, sexual health, intimacy and pleasure can remain important relationship staples. Your sexy may be on a shelf, but it isn’t too late to dust it off and bring it back into rotation.




Peace, love and orgasms,

Dr. J.


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Column Disclaimer for Readers

The information contained in this column is for educational and informational purposes only. ​The information contained in this column is not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, medical or health advice. While the professional does address sexual health issues, the information provided in this column is not a substitute for medical or health advice from a professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. The views and opinions expressed in Dear Dr. J. are solely of the author Jennifer Scott, PhD, MPH, CHES®, CSE.