Welcome to Dear Dr J Issue 11 masturbation


Dear Dr. J. 


I enjoy masturbation, and consider it a part of my self-care practice. My wife doesn’t understand, and feels that it takes away from our intimacy. How do I get her to understand that this is something that I enjoy, and that it also benefits us?


Signed, Mr. Hand


Whether in the shower with lube, or in the bed with a pleasure aid, I think we can agree that most men and women engage in the act of self-pleasure. In fact, people of all ages explore their bodies for a variety of reasons, many of which are related to desire and sexual pleasure. Masturbation is normal, masturbation is healthy, masturbation is safe, and above all masturbation is self-care. There are many scientifically proven benefits of masturbating. Masturbation can be effective as a stress reliever, alleviate headaches, and even help you sleep better.


With so many positive effects, why then is this practice viewed as taboo for many couples? Masturbation for some is interpreted as a replacement for coupled sexual interaction. In a committed relationship, this can pose a problem if one partner feels slighted by the thought of the other having pleasure in the absence of them. Most are more receptive when they understand that when you connect with yourself sexually, it allows you to better connect with them in your intimate moments. 


Masturbation allows you the freedom to explore what feels good to you in a low stress, low pressure environment. You can fully concentrate on your pleasure, on your own timing. These are things you can share with your partner during your coupled interactions. It can be very erotic to describe to your partner in detail, what you did and how it felt. It may also give them insight into what you enjoy. You can even make it steamier by inviting them to watch, or even guide their hands in the way that is pleasing to you.


Perhaps share the reasons that you masturbate, so they are aware of your personal needs. Sometimes we just need a quick release to move on with our day and it isn’t even about sex. Boredom, or restlessness are common reasons that people spank the monkey or flick the bean. It passes the time, puts us in a different head space and it isn’t hurting anyone. There really is nothing remotely wrong with it, unless it becomes excessive by your personal standards, or interferes with your quality of life. If that happens, then you would need to reflect a bit more on the reasons behind it. 


So, the next time you grab the lube and get ready for a little 1-on-1 time, remember that your pleasure is yours, and yours alone and that is perfectly okay. If your partner doesn’t get that, then perhaps they need to reflect a bit on their end and ask themselves why. If all else fails, share this article with them and initiate a conversation about personal pleasure and how that shows up in your coupled interactions.


Peace, love and orgasms,

Dr. J.


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Column Disclaimer for Readers

The information contained in this column is for educational and informational purposes only. ​The information contained in this column is not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, medical or health advice. While the professional does address sexual health issues, the information provided in this column is not a substitute for medical or health advice from a professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. The views and opinions expressed in Dear Dr. J. are of the author, and not necessarily those of Elite News.

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