Welcome to Dear Dr J Issue 18 mutual masturbation


Dear Dr. J. 


When it is time for self-care, I have limited myself to in shower activities because of easy cleanup. I would like to venture out to the bedroom, and would like to get my girlfriend to participate. How can I get her to join in, and perhaps make it mutually satisfying? I would love it if she watched me, or even actively participated with me or on her own.


Signed, Mr. Party of 1 


For some, self-care may include taking a bubble bath, meditating, or going for a walk. For others, body exploration and masturbation are at the top of the list. One of the most important intimate relationships we will have, is the relationship we have with ourselves. 

Understanding what feels good to us, how we like to be touched, and what we enjoy can create more pleasurable solo experiences. Whether that be in the shower or the bedroom it is your personal time, do with it as you please. This can also enhance our partnered activities. 


While the shower does provide for easy cleanup, it is a bit limiting on position and space. If the bathroom is your comfort zone and provides the privacy you desire, mix it up a bit, and perhaps run a nice bath. This will still create an environment that is less mess afterwards. It will also allow you to stretch out a bit more and change up your position if you so choose. It can even be a welcoming invitation for you to bring a partner.


Having said that, have you inquired with your partner on how they define self-care? Is this an activity they engage in currently, or would this be a completely new experience for them? Finding out their thoughts and opinions on masturbation will give you more insight into if they are willing to join in. If this is a component of their self-care practices you may initiate a conversation on what they like and what their routine consists in pleasuring themselves. Do they use pleasure aids, lubricants and how they like to stimulate themselves? If they don’t currently engage in the practice, knowing that in advance may avoid a potentially awkward conversation. 

The key is communicating those desires in an open and honest manner. If you want your partner to lend you a hand (pun intended), let them know. If you want them to stimulate you with their mouth, or a pleasure aid let them know that too. If you really aren’t sure how you want them involved, but having them in the room would be a turn on, share that with them. You sharing your desires with them, and allowing them to make an informed decision is what is most important. You don’t want to be offensive, but you do want to be honest. 


Finally, you want to talk about cleanup and aftercare. Whose responsibility is it, and how does that look. If you have moved your pleasure spot from the bathroom to the bedroom, make sure that you have wipes or a clean towel available if needed. Will either or you want relocate to the bathroom to cleanup. If there was oral stimulation involved, will you all kiss afterwards, is she expected to spit or swallow? These may seem like common sense or insignificant questions, but it is better to know each other’s expectations in advance of the activity., 


Peace, love and orgasms,

Dr. J.


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Column Disclaimer for Readers

The information contained in this column is for educational and informational purposes only. ​The information contained in this column is not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, medical or health advice. While the professional does address sexual health issues, the information provided in this column is not a substitute for medical or health advice from a professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. The views and opinions expressed in Dear Dr. J. are of the author, and not necessarily those of Elite News.

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