Welcome to Dear Dr J Issue 5 Thetalk


Dear Dr. J. 


My 10-year-old daughter loves music and loves to dance. I noticed that her dance moves have become more provocative recently. Is she thinking about sex, or trying to be sexy? Is it time for me to have the talk with her?

Signed, She’s a Dancing Queen


We love to see our children enjoying good music and freely expressing themselves through dance. Children pick up the moves and often learn the steps quickly to popular dances. The rhythm and beats can be fun and speak to us in a way that gets us moving. Dance can also be sexy and erotic and can convey a variety of emotions. Not to mention, it is a great form of exercise.


Sometimes we can channel that energy into other creative outlets. Explore the idea of a formal dance class at a community center or dance school in your area. There are so many forms of dance that can be explored in a safe and nurturing environment. It may be a phase just for fun, and it may be a genuine interest, that in the proper environment can open new worlds. Exposure to different forms of dance may bring a new outlook and outcome.


Children often imitate what they see on television and in movies. With social media platforms that provide access for content creators to showcase their talents, it can be even more difficult to monitor what is available online. There is always a new app or viral video popping up that seems fun and harmless. We need to take into consideration that everything available isn’t for every age. We have seen many rappers and singers state that they make music for adults, and not for children.


Music lyrics and music videos have become more expressive, and at the same time become more explicit. Many are not just NSFW (not-safe-for-work), but are also a bit too much for our young people to comprehend. Having the “clean” versions of songs can help, and monitoring the media that our young people are ingesting is also important. We can also start by listening to the music they listen to and having a conversation about what the lyrics mean. Often, we see children singing along to a great beat, but have no idea what the words and phrases mean. 


Music videos lend themselves to the artist’s interpretation of what the song stands for and means to them. Songs that are more sexual in tone will have more sexual choreography and themes in their depictions. I am a big advocate for communicating openly and honestly with our youth. When you see her dancing a certain way, ask her what the moves mean to her, and if she understands what those moves convey to others. If she is simply emulating what she sees, help her to understand your thoughts when you see her dancing in that manner. 


Meet her where she is, and really discuss the media, the music and the lyrics. If this leads to a more in-depth conversation regarding sex and sexuality, then be open to hearing her thoughts on that as well. Slang terms used in some of the song lyrics can be great conversation starters. Keep the discussion age-appropriate and judgement free as possible. Children, remember what we say, how we said it, and how it made them feel. We want to make them feel safe and loved. Turn on some age-appropriate tunes with clean lyrics and have the ultimate dance party. Dust off your dancing shoes!


Peace, love and orgasms,

Dr. J.


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Column Disclaimer for Readers

The information contained in this column is for educational and informational purposes only. ​The information contained in this column is not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, medical or health advice. While the professional does address sexual health issues, the information provided in this column is not a substitute for medical or health advice from a professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. The views and opinions expressed in Dear Dr. J. are of the author, and not necessarily those of Elite News.

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