Dear Dr. J.
What does it mean if a man that you’ve been with for years and claims he loves you, but when he talks about having you long-term, he just makes statements like “your p*ssy will always be mine”, but nothing else. He’ll say things like “you’re my future wife”, but will only claim my lower half long term.
Signed, Take all of me
This is a loaded question. Each relationship is different and has its own rules of engagement. I have always been told that people will treat you how you allow them to. This means that in many instances, the behavior we accept, reinforces the behavior. This goes for both positive and negative behaviors. So, at some point we have to ask ourselves why we are accepting of it.
Have you asked yourself how his words make you feel? I would venture a guess that you have mixed emotions. Hearing him claim you sexually may be exciting, but your desire for more leaves you feeling unsure. Your definition of love, may be completely different than his. Sitting down discussing each of your feelings and desires is always a good step. Perhaps your timelines are not meshing and you’re on different paths. The only way to really know is to ask, and to respond accordingly.
Now, I am not saying give him an ultimatum or do anything drastic. What I am saying is that you know what you want, so it may be time to find out what he wants. If what he is communicating to you, and the world is not in line with what you want out of your relationship, it may be time to make a change and do something different. Have you clearly stated what you want from him, and for the both of you long term? Sometimes we think we have, but our partner may remain clueless.
It is important that you are open and honest regarding your feelings, so that each of you can make the best decision. What does “claiming” he loves you look like? How does it feel to hear him say that? How would you like to experience his love for you? Have you been honest with yourself about what you want, and what you are giving? Do you want to be his future wife? Why or why not? Can you see him as your future husband? Why or why not?
In relationships we have a tendency to extract the good points and the self-serving aspects that we can tolerate. We need to also address the negative aspects, as well as identify deal breakers that are harmful to us. This can sometimes cause frustration and even self-doubt about what we want, and what we deserve. Trust your gut, and value your feelings. If you are with someone who doesn’t have similar values, and expectations, you are setting yourself up for difficult times.
Him enjoying you sexually is one thing, but him appreciating you and valuing you is totally different. Don’t let an unfulfilling relationship drag on if only one person is getting their needs met. So, ask him what the future holds for the two of you, and discuss timelines. If it doesn’t work for you, then you may need to bid him farewell. If it does work for you, then have patience and take a step back to reevaluate how to move forward. Either way, put you first, you deserve happiness.
Peace, love and orgasms,
Column Disclaimer for Readers
The information contained in this column is for educational and informational purposes only. The information contained in this column is not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, medical or health advice. While the professional does address sexual health issues, the information provided in this column is not a substitute for medical or health advice from a professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. The views and opinions expressed in Dear Dr. J. are of the author, and not necessarily those of Elite News.
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